Drowning

by lizisarealist

I continue to drown. I allow myself to drown- as I wait for this one lifeguard to save me.

The same lifeguard who threw me in.

It was supposed to be a small dip.

Drowning, now sinking, as I go under. I realize his hand is pushing me further down this ocean.

This ocean consist of the tears that never end. 

Suffocated by false nurture- he pushes me further into the land of known.

I known- I knew he would let me sink- I didn’t know he would throw me in.

Usually this lifeguard would  slowly guide me to the water.

He said I needed to learn how to swim, and  would never let me drown. 

He then would take me to the deep end where I began to struggle. I would begin to lose my bearings and he would eventually rescue me. 

He would scoop me in his arms, and wrap me with his towel of false nurture, and I admit I feel secure each time

He always knew how to save me, and comfort me. 

Now I am drowning, and he does not want me to come for air. 

After pushing my head down; I am now unconscious, but I hear him walking away in relief.

He is relieved that he no longer has to pretend to care if I drown.

He is relieved- he is now of duty

I am conscious in spirit, and I see other life guards willing to rescue me.

I won’t let them because I stand firm on waiting for this one particular life guard.

However, his footsteps sound further away. He is not coming back.

I wait .

He who causes the boo-boo- is the one you want the band-aid from

He who causes the tears- is the one you want to dry them away

And then there is mine

Who allowed my tears to become an ocean.

Suffocated and drowned me in my ocean of tears and walked away.

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