Chronically Healing Through Writing

Thoughts of the end -so through a pen I share rawfully honest thoughts. Thoughts about my relationship with chronic pain. Thoughts about the fantasies of romantic love , and the agony when this illusion disappears. The goal is to learn from my own journey through words.

Month: January, 2017

Sorry

I am hoping for your soul’s sake that its me you cannot warm up to. I really hope you have the capacity to feel more. If you can’t; I’m sorry on behalf of whoever it was that hurt you. Not only did they damage you; they ruined you for me, and that is the biggest tragedy in all of this. Your walls are far too rigid, and I need the strength to protect my own instead of fighting to break yours down.

The way you touch me sends Oxytocin  in overdrive.Our night together made it clear that it was just hormones. No true feelings are behind your touch. Its a gift and a curse. You are capable of making me feeling like I am the only woman in the world…until its over. These have to be the  traits of a sociopath. To be so in-tuned with someone at one moment and then emotionally  withdraw moments later .

?s

​”Is it because I accept you, and you’re not used to that? Would you rather remain a victim so you have a story to tell~and your love bashing remains valid?”

Music 

When you hear a song you know your ex would’ve loved. Now you’ve become nostalgic-in this fantasy. 

I remember when I loved it.I remember listening to music alone fantasizing about who I would listen to this art with- while blowing air into one.

I remember when I romanticized-got lost in fantasy.  The reality is never as good. 

Why wouldn’t I be dead inside.